Naked Came the Ranger & Other Tales, O.C Hax and Horace Skankenfelder
Publisher: Self Published
Genre: Gay Erotica
Length: 5 Short Stories
Reviewer: Kazza K
Purchase At: Lulu
First of all, the title of the book, Naked Came the Ranger & Other titles is a reinventing of well know book titles. And this is a fun tongue-in-cheek erotic(?) e-book of shorts based on a theme. I loved the names when I agreed to read Naked Came the Ranger and Other Tales. I must say that I love interesting porn name spin-offs of mainstream movies, so my interest was piqued straight away just from the names alone.
Naked Came the Ranger:
A laugh out loud and rude and crude way to start the ball rolling for this e-book of short stories – no complaints on the laughing or the rude and crude from me. Okay… a “pork sword” and “two ball throat cream” amongst other… interesting descriptions.
Burl Stutz is a bear. But he’s as mad as a March Hare – work, ex wife, snotty kids, annoying neighbours are all bothering him. So his co-worker, Bubba, tells him he should go on holidays to the local state park. Burl takes that idea and runs with it. In the park he is pulled over (really he has a flat tyre) by the local Park Ranger, Peter Pathway. Pathway gives him the once over, asks him for his licence and if he always drives with his shirt off. Oh, and officer Pathway is dressed in a uniform that is tight, tight, tight, and he looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model. Of course Peter Pathway is going to have to frisk Burl –
“Right here out in the open?” Burl asked.
Ranger Pathway opens his pants up and whips his cock out –
“Looks like the sky ain’t the only thing big here,” Burl said.
From here the book is a fuck-fest –
“Ever take it up the ass?” Ranger Pathway asked.
“Something tells me I’m about to, Burl said.
Naked Came the Ranger is erotic writing but it is also funny and I laughed out loud on many occasions. I enjoyed reading about Burl, Peter Pathway and Rusty Gnales 🙂 Ranger Pathway’s Deputy… and the little twist. Oh, look! A ranger’s pork sword ———->
Alley of the Dolls:
It’s two days before Easter and Victor Timothy is pondering 50% off at Macys or buy one get one free at Bloomies. He decides to walk and chat away on his iPone. He hits speed dial #3 and gets Toni – of the fucking hot body and laser blue eyes that made Matt Bomer look like a fucking stick insect with warts. (Holy shit, my blog partner is going to kill me for quoting that line.) Toni wants his $45 back that Victor owes him. Distracted, he gets mugged, well attempted to be mugged. The mugger, who calls himself ‘Chase‘ – points for not going with Juan – is Latino and could be a GQ model. Then in the alley, ironically named Paradise, a homeless man surfaces from behind a dumpster, he wants them out of his alley – he’s another who looks like a model, irrespective of being homeless. Dumpster Man calls himself ‘Cody’ – Chase is already taken – and they all decide on a mutual suck session. Why not? Along comes a sexy Filipino cop, yep, sexy again, who joins in. This short pokes fun at first world problems and stereotypical gorgeous guys and situations in romance books. The dialogue is witty and had me laughing all the way through.
Dick Stoop is lost in small town New England and cannot find a petrol station. He winds his car window down and curses the town, swearing out loud enough to come to the attention of Professor Hardwick. The environmentally-friendly Professor Hardwick invites Dick back to his place for a massage and a meal.
While getting the massage Professor Hardwick goes all teacher/ student on Dick asking him questions that Dick cannot answer and every time he is wrong his arse is smacked so hard –
On his backside his skin burned so raw he felt like Satan was bare-backing him in a 350 degree oven in July. Fucking amazing sensation.
Maybe he didn’t have an apple for the teacher, but he had a salami and two balls of mozzarella and even the class dunce could tell you that beat the fuck out of a Granny Smith.
A nice little BDSM parody.
He Fared Well With Arms:
Number Six/Henry/Harold/Hiram – take your pick – is caught in his cabin with a bear. A grizzly one. He is up in the rafters of said cabin thinking about his time in jail with Renaldo, his cellmate, while Smoot beat off to their talking and jerking and working of the meat…and some…Aramaic…speaking – never mind, you have to read it. During his time in the rafters someone starts knocking on his door. He can’t get down – hello…bear – and who the hell could it be –
“The hell? Number six?”
“Yo, Henry! It’s us! Smoot and Renaldo! We done broke out of prison!”
“Sh…ya nitwit! Don’t be broadcasting that all over hell.”
“What’s it matter?” Smoot said. “We’re clear off in the wilderness. Ain’t nobody around.”
Right,” Renaldo said, “except that in some implausible scenario. we’ve managed to run into Number Six again. What do you suppose is the probability of that?”
So …it’s a touching, highly improbable reunion story of prison fuck-buddies. And Henry didn’t even need a gun!
The Victim of Tools:
Frank Bennett comes back from time spent away from his rental to find Hector Treble, his nemesis, occupying Frank’s seat on Frank’s porch saying it’s his place now. The Landlady, Miss Garment, has a clause in the lease saying any length of time away forfeits your lease. So, gossip and house usurper, Hector, finds himself being put upon by some tools by Frank in order to get him to admit that it is Frank’s cabin, not Hector’s. Hmm good in theory, but in reality everyone is into it – sporting boners and all. Frank heads off to get some more tools to see what will happen –
“Jumper cable on my nips, vice grip on my thigh, pliers on my nutsack. Squeeze, and make me feel it.”
Miss Garment webcams it, then she gives them some incentives to agree to some more man-on-man lovin’ –
“You keep up this hot shit,” Miss Garment said, “and I’ll tear up your leases and let you live here free and gratis.”
“Hector,” Frank said, “get your drill bit ready.”
Frank and Hector bury the hatchet over some jumper cables, monkey wrenches, claw hammers and a, uh, drillbit…. Love over some manly tools. Another erotic BDSM parody
This is hard to rate. The stories are all very short. Naked Came the Ranger would be about the longest short, and it isn’t very long. This e-book is a tongue-planted-firmly-in-cheek parody/satire of the MM romance/erotica books I read all the time – gorgeous looking men, even if they are homeless, hunky cops who want to bonk another guy (or rangers), bears (the man and the animal), manly alphas, BDSM, big pecs, fab abs, huge dicks, unlikely scenarios/re-unions/coincidences. All wrapped up in bite-sized tales with a play on literary or other book’s titles. It is definitely clever and witty, but I would have really liked just one title and a novella to go with it. I found myself laughing out loud on many occasions as I read, but then it stopped and I moved onto another short when I wanted more of the one I was currently reading. If you like satire and /or parodies, if you don’t mind gay erotic terminology, and you do like clever writing in your short stories, then perhaps Naked Came the Ranger and Other Stories might just be the ticket for you. Give it a go for something different. I enjoyed it.
This book was supplied to me by the author(s) in return for an honest review.